Not What I Had Planned

I am a planner.  Byron and I joke about my spontaneity because I like to prepare for it.  I don't need to know details or specifics, but I like to know a gist of what's going to happen [a.k.a - I'm not spontaneous at all].  Needless to say, letting go and letting the Lord have control of my life is always a struggle for me.  I know His plans are better than any I might have for myself and His timing is perfect, but my faith always wavers.

Yesterday morning my principal announced that she's retiring on June 1.  I'm not guaranteed a teaching position at Knight next year, but have been told I had a fairly good chance of getting one with our principal.  I'm feeling slightly very defeated about job prospects for next year, especially at Knight, and I'm not even sure where to apply anymore.  It's frustrating to say the least.

Sometimes, though, our plans are completely blown out of the water by God's plans [I love it when this happens].  We plan for one thing and something even better happens.  On Thursday, Stephen was promoted to AA!!  I have such a hard-working, humble brother who's always dreamt of playing professional ball.  I could not be more excited for and proud of him.

The Lord takes us where He wants us.  He is in control.  His plans are better than ours [mine].  I know all these things and believe them, so why is it always so difficult for me to trust Him?

Many are the plans in a person's heart, 

but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21

"Many are the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

april - what a month.

I can't believe April is almost over, holy moly. I anticipated it to be a quick month [since it IS the month before I get married!!], but whoa.  It's funny though, because every day still had 24 hours, just like every day in every other month.  Time does fly by when you're busy making last minute to-do lists, but even in the midst of all the wedding craziness, April has been an outstanding month.

1. Spring Break!!! What a way to welcome a month!

2. Passion Good Friday Incredible worship and a great reminder about why we really celebrate Easter.

3. Color Run!! So. Much. Fun.  I will definitely do it again.

4. Easter Sunrise Service at Stone Mountain with my wonderful fiancee', great family time, and some jelly beans, too.  [Easter IS the holiday with the best candy!]
5. Spring Flowers Have you noticed how long the flowers have been in bloom this Spring?  Incredible.  My favorite flowers [tulips] aren't in season in the late Spring/Summer, however they were on sale, so I bought some.  I discovered this year that we have roses hidden in our yard that have apparently been there for years.  Who knew?

6. Homemade Double Doozies Yes, I have the taste buds of a 5 year old -- no shame (both of my brothers and I share this love).  My favorite cookie is actually 2 sugar cookies, covered in sprinkles and stuck together with a heap of icing.  Mmmmmm.  Instead of making the trip to the mall [which would've resulted in spending money on clothing and cookies] I made them at home -- aren't I so frugal?!  Ha.  

These are worth the stomach ache.

7. Teacher Successes One of my students is a first grader whom I work with in reading one-on-one every day.  One month ago, she failed [with final averages of 0%] all of her word study and spelling tests.  Each day I spend 30 minutes teaching her strategies and working on phonics, and every Friday she takes a test with her class.  Her scores have been improving and SHE SCORED 100% on her test last Friday!!!!

8. Mid-week Surprise Dates with Byron He surprised me on Tuesday by coming into town unexpectedly and taking me on a date.  Yummy food, a good glass of wine, and my man . . . yes, please!

The flowers Byron brought me!

9. WE ARE GETTING MARRIED IN LESS THAN 30 DAYS!!!  and we have an apartment!  Whew.  Thanks for all the prayers -- God answered them and we won't be homeless!!  

10. God loves me.  I thought it was interesting that He gave me this verse last night since I'm on the homestretch to becoming a bride.  But it's so true.  

I celebrate and shout because of my Lord God.

His saving power and justice are the clothes I wear.

They are more beautiful than the jewelry worn by a bride or groom.

Isaiah 61:10 [CEV]

We finish up CRCT testing tomorrow [I'm more pumped than the kids are about that].  I have an incredible weekend to look forward to . . . and I'm sure it will be one for the record books. 

a case of the Mondays

[No caption necessary.  Even dogs try to hide from Mondays.]

Let's be honest.  Who really likes Mondays? Unless it's the 3rd day of a three-day weekend, no one honestly looks forward Monday rolling around each week.  It's like something gets slipped in drinks during dinner on Sunday nights, making people grumpy, sleepy, and late on Mondays.

After the weekend, I don't want to workout on my way home from school.  I eat less-healthy [a.k.a. the delicious food I wish I could eat everyday] on Saturdays and Sundays, and it's always challenging to make the healthier food choices on Mondays.  I compile my to-do lists on Mondays, but I lack the energy to start them.  

Somehow, though, we have to look on the bright side that must be hidden within Mondays. We know that the silver-lining is not waking up early to return to work or the pleasant Monday morning traffic.  Mondays are, however, the beginning of a new [work] week and a chance to set the pace you want for the rest of the week . . . get it started on the right foot and accomplish the things that are important to you.

My Monday Accomplishments:

- Early morning walk with Bridget

- Spent some good time in the Word and in prayer.

- Vacuumed.

- Washed and vacuumed my car.

- 3.5 mile run.

Maybe next Monday I'll wake up with a better attitude and outlook than I did today so I don't have to write another post telling my self to get it together!

And remember:

This is the day that the Lord has made.  We will rejoice and be glad in it. 
Psalms 118:24  

the presence of God

Powerful.  Comforting.  Booming.  

The chills you get when you're not even cold.  

Forgiving. A sense of peace.  Encouraging.  

Undeniable.

The presence of God.  How would you describe it?  It's hard for me to decide on one set definition for  'the presence of God' or to say what it feels like, because God doesn't work in one specific way.  He doesn't always speak in a loud voice at one particular place.  And, He doesn't show up on your terms.  He doesn't send an invitation or wait for an RSVP.  What He tells you isn't always what you want to hear.  He's not limited to speaking through the Bible or church services.

Where can I go from your Spirit?  Where can I flee from your presence?  

If I go up to the heavens, you are there; 

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.  Psalm 137:7-8

As the sun began to rise yesterday morning, I was driving South on 75.  Sleepy and trying my best to make my coffee last the entirety of the trip, I chose Passion White Flag as my soundtrack. [I have posted about this album previously.  Don't get me wrong, it is great, but it hasn't been favorite Passion album.]  With the intent of simply singing praises the Lord without any huge stir of emotions, I was mistaken.  About two minutes into the first song (one I've sung and heard dozens of times) God showed up . . . in my TrailBlazer . . . halfway to Macon.  

It really is baffling and indescribable: the presence of God.  Saturday morning, I was humbled and encouraged at the same time while tears streamed down my face.  God knows our hearts.  My heart. [O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. Psalm 137:1]  Without having to tell Him, He knows that I've been doubting His will for me; that I have a passion for children, orphans, and serving; that I love and trust Him but I have trouble letting go of control.  And more than anyone, He knows how to speak directly to my heart so that nothing can distract me from basking in His presence.  [Like a bug flying straight towards the blue light!]  His unquestionable presence and unshakable truth.  What a way to start my Saturday.

        

Spring Break as a Grown Up

Spring Break: One of the many reasons [including Summer, Christmas, and Thanksgiving Breaks . . . oh, and the whole working with children!] I became a teacher.  I will have Spring Break, in addition to those previously mentioned, as long as I work.  Woooo!!  By the time it rolls around each year, the weather's begun to warm up and it's the perfect time to take a hiatus from work.  This year, my break is a little different than it's ever been; it's my first one NOT as a student.  Instead of heading to the beach, I stayed at home to tackle the ever-lengthening wedding to-do list.  I must say, I do feel very accomplished.

Don't worry, I did have some time to enjoy myself, too.  Byron and I were able to spend some time together at the lake.  The weather was perfect.  It was great to get away from wedding planning and just enjoy each other.  I cannot wait to marry this man.

We play outside like 10 year olds.

I also went to the Passion City Good Friday Service with my Mom and my brother's gorgeous girlfriend.  What an incredible night.  Louie Giglio delivered the message and worship was led by Chris Tomlin, Kristian Stanfill, Christy Nockels, and David Crowder.

Mom, Lindsey, and I waiting for the service to start.

I know God doesn't only reveal Himself at large gatherings, but His presence was undeniable on Friday night.  Easter is a time to celebrate what God did.

But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought 

near through the blood of Jesus.  Ephesians 2:13 

After an incredible Good Friday, Lindsey, Rachel, and I ran The Color Run [a 5K where color is thrown on you at every kilometer mark!] at Atlanta Motor Speedway.  So much fun!!  Two days and three showers later, I still have a few blue streaks in my hair and purple-stained skin :)

Before...

AFTER!!

Byron and I welcomed Easter bright and early at the Sunrise Service on top of Stone Mountain, praising the Lord, enjoying His glorious creation, and thanking Him for all He's done for us.

The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Psalm 19:1

What a week! Filled with small and large blessings, I've really enjoyed it. While I wasn't working I made it a priority to seek the Lord and spend time in prayer each day.  Although I still have a lengthy list of to-do's and many stressful things approaching, I am at ease and have more faith in His plan for me than I've had in a while.

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. Colossians 4:2

enjoying the moment IN the moment

A few days ago Byron and I were discussing what we heard a speaker say at Campus Outreach's Christmas Conference.  She said it was a goal of hers to live each season of life to make it her favorite.  In essence, not to wish days away by anticipating coming stages (or reliving and longing for past days to magically reoccur), but to really love the phase of life your in right now.  God has put you [and me] where he wants and needs us.  There is a purpose for why I'm presently living back in Lilburn with my parents . . . but let's be honest, this is not where I wanted to be.  I constantly think, I can't wait to be married and beginning my life with Byron and It's too bad I'm not still in college surrounded by friends, but the truth is, God has definitely revealed Himself and blessed me while I've been back at home.

1. During college, I always shared stories about my high school friends.  God blessed me with some incredible friends while I was at Parkview and since we went to different colleges, I really missed them.  I cannot express how much I have enjoyed being able to meet for dinner and walk in the park with my sweet friends.
2. I am so thankful to have my Mom; her encouragement and assistance with everything is a huge blessing.  I would not be able to plan a wedding, work, and keep my sanity.
3. I've said it before and I'll say it again - The premarital counseling class we took at Perimeter Church was incredibly helpful and insightful.  Byron and I learned more about each other and ourselves than I thought possible within a class.
4. After months of searching, Byron and I finally found a church that we'd love to become active in and join [if God has it in His plan to make the Lilburn/Lawrenceville/Snellville area our home].
5. I could not ask for a better place to teach.  Although my position is still up in the air for the next school year, I consider my time at Knight a privilege.
6. Although I am still living under my parents' roof and don't pay all of my own bills, God has revealed to me that the money I am earning truly belongs to Him.  I've never had a job that paid consistently before, so I've enjoyed learning to tithe each month.  It's interesting: God's shown me that I really don't miss the 10 percent I give back to Him.
7. It's a struggle for me to let go of the reigns and let God take over . . . especially regarding where Byron and I are going to live!  Giving God the control of our situation has been a huge test of my faith.  I've been riding a roller coaster where sometimes I'm certain He's taking care of us, and other times I'm sure we've been forgotten.  I do know that the Lord wants me to give Him my life so that He can place me where He needs me, and my devotionals have been telling me the exact same thing.

"For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and 

says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

8. How easy is it to have a thankful heart when your life is surrounded by stress?  For a while, all of my prayers were along the lines of 'Lord, please do A,B, and C. I pray for D and E.  And F and G. Oh, and You're great. Amen.' Ask, Ask, Ask. That's all I was doing.  What about thanking Him for the blessings He's graciously placed in my undeserving lap?  And praising Him for his grace and faithfulness?  The Spirit's convicted me to start living with a heart of thankfulness and praise.

"The Lord is my strength and my song...He is my God, and I will praise him..." Exodus 15:2

The Lord's always working on my heart in new ways and speaking to me about different things, so this is just as of late.  I am thankful that He reveals himself in such undeniable ways and continuously reminds me of his love [especially through Spring flowers and new and renewed friendships].  What a great God we serve!