Like a Roller Coaster

13.1 Update:

My half marathon is on Sunday!  I am anxious and nervous for this race.  A few weeks ago I felt very prepared and confident, but now I don't feel the opposite.  It's like this race and I are in the early stages of high school dating. [It's a little bit exhausting.  Mentally and Physically.]  I am very excited to complete this race and breaking up with the treadmill since we've recently spent together spent so much time together [the treadmill and me].  

Here are a couple of things I've come to realize in the past few weeks:

-Training for a half-marathon during the school year is not the best idea...especially right before conferences.  I have multiple teacher friends who ran/are running running races around this time, and although I haven't talked to them about their training experiences, I know I won't time it like this again.  I hate not having enough time to commit to training.  I hate when my workout adds to my stress because my day doesn't have enough hours in it.  If there's a next time that I run 13.1 miles, I will not do it the week of conferences!

-The last 4 weeks of training is the worst possible time to get sick.  My body's encountered just about every germ and bacteria possible [not really, but it has been a lot!] in the past few weeks, which has kept me in my bed, counting down the minutes until the next dose of medicine, attached to a box of Kleenex, or chugging liquids.  I have continued to run, but I haven't been able to keep up with my training guide.   It's been very frustrating.  Thankfully I am healthy now!  So I am praying [seriously, I am not just using that as a figure of speech] that I will stay well and make it across the finish line.

I can't believe the race is next weekend! Ahh!  Want some good news?  I have broken in my new Asics and I will be beachbound on Friday.

So, ready or not, wish me luck!  

A New Small Group

About a year and a half ago I registered for GroupLink at Buckhead Church, completely unaware of just how strange of an experience it would be, in the hopes of joining a women's small group.  After possibly the most uncomfortable night of my life, I left feeling unsure of what would come of the group I'd formed with some other women.  We didn't have a leader and none of us knew each other.  Then, after about a month, I was chosen to lead the group.

To be honest, I would have to tell you that the group experience wasn't everything I'd hoped it would be.  Please don't get me wrong, the girls in the group were amazing.  Only when God's in control of forming groups is it possible for 12 20-something women to all get along and genuinely enjoy each other's company.  Am I right?  So the group was made up of some [12] incredible ladies.  As we each shared our stories, we learned that we're all from different places and in various stages of life.  It was great.  We'd meet on Wednesday nights for fellowship, Bible study, and prayer.

I said earlier that this group wasn't everything that'd I'd wished, so let me tell you why.  It wasn't because of the girls in the group, because I can't say enough how wonderful they were.  I truly love each of them and loved getting to have discussions and grow with them.  I think the issue was just the number -- 12.  

12 is a lot of people.  It's almost how many students I teach.  How can you meet for 2 hours, once a week, and have 12 people equally join into a conversation?  How can you grow close to 12 people?  We tried and tried, but it just wasn't working.  Intimacy with 12 people is really difficult.  Vulnerability with 12 people is almost impossible.  So, although I met some wonderful friends in our group of 12, I don't think the group flourished as it should have, and our group ended up dissolving.  

So why do I think I should lead a new group since my last group dissolved?  

Well, for one, God is asking me to do it.  To open our home to a group of women for fellowship.  [Do I need any more reasons after this one?]  If God wants me to do it, I will.  I am trusting that He will lead this group from our very first meeting.  I know that He has great things planned for this group.

When I led my last group, I went into the whole experience blindly.  I was completely unaware that I'd be chosen to lead the group I formed at GroupLink.  This time, though, I made the decision for myself.  So I think from the beginning this time, we'll be off to a better start.  We will set norms and expectations.  I also think that since I've led a group before, I will learn from the past experiences and allow them to help me in the future.  One of those things is not allowing 12 people to form a group.  I have learned that with 12 women, intimacy, trust, and vulnerability are unlikely.  Accountability is easily swept under the rug and it's easy to remain anonymous.

So, that being said, I am excited to begin a new group.  I am eager to make new friends.  Close, real friends.  I am looking forward to having real, intimate conversations, and getting to know the hearts of these women.  

I am praying that God uses this group to grow each of us closer to Him.  To grow in truth. To grow in our faith.  To become better examples of who Christ is.  To sharpen and support each other.  I am praying that this group will bring glory to God, while we are meeting, and as a result of our meeting.

Running Reflections

Training for a half marathon allows for a whole lot of time to think.  Miles and miles you run, and if you're like me, you're running without the company of others.  And since it's cold, running means many miles on a treadmill.  In the midst of those miles my thoughts flow freely as my feet repeat the same steps over and over.  So here you go... just a few of the thoughts I've had about running while running:

A squinty smile as I approached the finish line
at the end of my 1st half marathon.

1. Why did I think this would be a good idea? 

I ran my first half marathon in 2012 on Thanksgiving Day.  It was a far-fetched new year's resolution.  Honestly, I'm not sure where or why I was interested in running 13.1 miles, because before that January I'd never even run a 5K.  Though I ran occasionally, in my mind running was still more of a punishment to me than an enjoyable form of exercise.  

About halfway through my training I lost all interest and motivation.  I never ran more than 8 miles in preparation for the race on Thanksgiving Day and waited until the day before the race [you read that right] to buy new shoes, making the half marathon the first time I even wore my new Asics.  Luckily, my feet didn't blister at all [praise God] but unfortunately my feet were in such bad shape from wearing old running shoes, that I could hardly walk for a few days.  I think it'd be safe to say that my finishing that race at all was a miracle. 

To be completely honest with you, I have no idea why I thought running another half marathon would be a good idea.  I guess I'd always told myself that if I were to do another one that it'd be one with a nice view... so along came the Seaside Half and like a fool I registered.  Incase you were wondering, my amount of physical activity at the time I signed up for the race was limited to the walking around my classroom all day and possibly a walk with the pups at night... and that was it!  [You won't offend me by asking yourself, 'What was she thinking?']  

But here I am... training once more for a 13 mile run.  It probably wasn't the best idea, but I am more excited this time.  I have trained [so far] much better.  Just so you know, I ran 8 miles on Sunday...which made me incredibly proud of myself.  I also just bought a new pair of shoes.  They'll be here on Wednesday and I will be able to run at least a few times before running the stretch of 30A.   We'll see how this goes, but I think I'm making some good steps to make this a better experience, right?

2. Running is a lot harder than it appears.

Like I said, I have always viewed running as more of a punishment than as something I would willingly do by myself.  Growing up in an athletic family, we played lots of sports but running wasn't one of them.  At some point I remember hearing someone say, "Running is for people who aren't coordinated to do anything else.  Anyone can do it."  I will say right now, I could not disagree more with that statement.

I have never done a sport more mentally exhausting than to train myself for a half marathon.  Running is such a mental game.  Yes, obviously your muscles need to train and you must build endurance, but if you can't mentally find the will to do it, you won't.  If your mind it telling you to stop, you will.  If that little voice inside your head is saying, "This sucks," then it truly does and you won't keep going.  At the same time, if you can get your mind to enjoy it, to long for it, and to enjoy running, you will have a little pep in your steps.  

Training is an interesting experience.  I've never been challenged similarly.  It's a challenge I've put onto myself and although somedays I constantly ask myself why I thought I should do this again, I am enjoying it.  I love to push myself.  Although I know I won't ever be a stellar runner or set any sore of records, I am proud of myself so far and I am excited to run 13.1 miles again.  Wish me luck!